i may or may not be watching the land before time
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
