His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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