he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
