she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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