Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
