i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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