Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
