I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
