I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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