I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
