yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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