Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
