I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
