Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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