You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
