Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
