How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
