Ambien. No doubt about it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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