make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
