he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
