Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
