Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
