I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
