you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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