Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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