I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
