My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have aggressive nipples.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
