she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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