I wish my penis had an off switch
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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