The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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