It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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