i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Please don't give away my fajitas
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