i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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