This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
