i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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