I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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