I want to have your abortion
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
