Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
