dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
