What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
