if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
