Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
