got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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