he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
