Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
