question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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