you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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