I have demons in me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
