They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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