Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
