I'm gonna have a badass scar
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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