oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
