So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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