I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Life is so much better after having sex.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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